My journey to motherhood and through it has not been easy. You see, everyone else falling pregnant and having children so easily with none of the heartache and pain along the way, makes that jealousy just rise up from within me. From a badly managed missed miscarriage, years of infertility to the devastating loss of my 2 boys at 21 and 16 weeks 9 months apart.
I was promised that after losing my little boy Georgie it was just very bad luck, no definite reason found so was completely reassured to go ahead and try again as the odds were in my favour already having 2 living children my body knows how to do it. Lighting never strikes twice, right?
At least I'm falling pregnant fairly quickly, it only took 6 months this time. No need to involve the infertility department at the hospital and it all seemed to be going better than last time. Less bleeding, more scans and midwife appointments, every appointment showing a healthy baby growing.
Why, then, at 16 weeks then did my little boys heart just stop? Why am I having to go through this agony again? What have I done to deserve this pain again?
My head is just full of why me, why again.