Saturday, 14 October 2017

Donna: Right Where I Am 2017: 2 years 7 months 3 weeks 3 days

Our beautiful Maisie you’re a big sister now. Sophie has the same hair colour as you, she’s 7 months old now and into everything. Your older brother and sister adore her, which is beautiful to see but also painful, as they would have adored you too.

Having Sophie has helped us to heal a bit but opened up so many other wounds I didn’t know were possible. The mixed emotions are never ending and the rawness has come back again of missing you.

I feel isolated once again, the dark clouds of grief are clouding me again. The why question is nearly always on my mind again.

Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for your baby sister, but the guilt I am finding hard to bear. When I’m woken by teething cries I wish she wouldn’t, and then the guilt sets in as you never woke me with teething you didn’t get the chance, so I should be grateful that Sophie does, and I mentally tell myself off for doing so, it’s a viscous circle.

Life is hectic most of the time but we always remember you and always will.

Our beautiful Maisie, your headstone is finally on order, I found what I could envisage and it will be perfect. Just as you are, those 55 minutes you spent with us I will treasure forever.

You are the first star we see at night.

Mummy loves you baby girl xxxxx

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