Sunday, 24 July 2016

Coral: Right Where I Am 2016: 2 years 4 months 23 days

It’s been too long going in life broken-hearted. Learning to live with a part of me missing is the most difficult thing I have faced in my existence. I feel conflicted by it because there’s some sort of gratefulness despite the tragedy. You see, before I couldn’t bear when others called me strong. Now I understand why others see me as such. This challenge that life threw at me has taught me to face the impossible. How can you live despite having a loss so big that defines you? I’m privilege to have the answer. Even though I wish I could go back in time to change the outcome, the lesson learned is invaluable.

My love for Luna continues growing with time. I learned that she doesn't have to be physically here for me to love her. I’m fortunate to understand this, because the meaning of love has been forever redefined. It means an essence so powerful and strong that even death can’t break it. I guess my eyes are now open to see what’s in front of me, understanding God’s love.

Two years and a half of constant change; because relationships, dreams and goals were somehow shaped the day she died. Now I only care about being true to myself and live freely. I’m more aware now of the things I can control to give meaning to my life. I quit my profession knowing the passion for it was never there. I find myself cutting all negative relationships to build a better future with those who truly care while I continue educating others about seeing death as a natural part of life. At times, I forget that I am a mother, there’s no vivid reminder except for the stretch marks marked on my body. This is the part that truly scares me, not feeling connected to motherhood and waking up one day without thinking of her. Even though she is always in my mind and not a day goes by without me missing her.


You can read Coral’s previous posts here:

Right Where I Am 2015: 11 months 2 weeks 6 days
Right Where I Am 2014: 4 months 28 days

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