Since then I have carried on, functioned, been busy with my son, trying to give him a good life without a sibling. I feel genuinely hurt by the word 'only child', I cannot identify my son with this term. I feel he carries a part of his sister, as do I. She exists in our everyday lives, in very subtle but special ways. A pretty baby dress catches my eye or a nice plaque and I instantly think of her. We miscarried our rainbow baby in January, at only 10 weeks. It was a big blow, especially so soon after Charlie's due date. We were not ready for another loss.
So where am I in 2015? I'm in a better place, I'm healing, I'm gradually learning to live a wholesome, happy life with Charlie living only within my heart.
(written 12th May 2015)