Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Julz: A Waddling Bump to Wading in Treacle

Two years, seems a life time ago.
It shouldn’t be it’s only
Two years….
Two years ago this Christmas, I had a teeny, tiny bump
Not quite 20 weeks.
Excitement knowing that a year from then we would have a 7 month old.
Signing Christmas cards
Love from bump and us,
A year from then we’d have an extra name.
It is acceptable to add plus bump,
Of course it is, it is a happy magical time bump is part of the family,
We didn’t know the gender, we weren’t even 20 weeks
Yet we could put
“Love from bump”.

Then bump turns into a very early baby.
We now have a name to put in the card,
An extra kiss, an extra smile joining in with the festivities.
We just have to sit back and wait for the months to pass,
As Christmas would be the next “big thing”

Only for you it never came,
You died.
You never saw Christmas.
The Christmas cards arrive
“To us”
“We’re thinking of you”
Some thought a little remembrance.
The sender is unsure of what to write.
The second Christmas,
The second one without you another reminder that
This year we should have had a toddler,
Yet the cards are empty from your name.
You did exist,
I’m sure you did,
I know you do
But why are you left out.
You’re still in my heart
But not in a card,
It’s not fair.
Your little sister is here, and people assume
That now we’re ok.
Christmas is now complete.
But we will always have an empty space,
Wishes are all we have;
What if’s and broken dreams.
We miss you now if not more than ever.
I wish I wasn’t wading through treacle.

1 comment:

  1. so sad... We must have been pregnant with our girls around the same time. I remember doing just the same as you... from me, him, her and bump. Sadly last Christmas our lost 'bump' was hardly acknowledged and the same can be said for this year apart from about 3 gorgeous and kind people (plus of course the wonderful babyloss Mums I have met).

    Lots of love to you all and big kisses to little Melody <3