Birthdays: they should be full of cake, balloons, presents, laughter and nostalgia as to how another year has passed by so quickly.
What happens if you are invited to two birthdays and both are very different?
One is full of all these beautiful things. Friends, family, gifts, cards, a new party dress and a time that so many happy memories are created.
The other; gifts were a headstone and flowers. The birthday party is only attended by 2 people, the mother and father, who are desperately trying to make sense of how it could have been an entire year since they last held their baby who died.
What if the mother or father was you? What if there was no option to choose which party you go to, which birthday you want to be involved in? Both events must happen, for one child cannot live if the other survives.
However hard you may try, you desperately want to wish it wasn’t true, it is. One of your children would always have failed to live. If your first child was alive and well you would never have had your second child. You only have your second child because your first child died. You cannot ever have both of your children.
But the latest party was a happy one, our rainbow turned One. An entire year of happiness and joy because she lived. Regardless of the circumstances, what we had to endure for her to exist and how different things could have been, we are forever thankful to have her in our lives.
To those who are currently travelling the lonely road in search of their rainbow, keep going. It’s hard, but they are worth every moment of pain.