Friday, 24 May 2013

Katy: Is it your first? When are you due? I'd love to have twins!

One of our guest posters, Katy, has recently started her own blog to share her twin boys' story and also her journey in her rainbow pregnancy, where she has again been blessed with twins. You can read more about Katy at her new blog 1 in 10 Thousand.


I wanted to write about something that I find really hard especially on two occasions recently.

My pregnancy has been pretty obvious to all from quite early on (as you can probably imagine, being pregnant with twins twice in a year does nothing for your abs/figure!) So, in the past month I've been looking pregnant enough for people that I don't really know to start commenting and asking questions... innocent enough.. but sometimes hard to answer.

Is "it" your first?
I know many bereaved mothers who are pregnant again find this one hard, in fact I nicked my stock response from a friend from university whose baby boy was stillborn. I usually say "We lost our first twins, but we are really hopeful about these ones." I cannot ever bring myself to say "yes they are" because I feel like I always have to honour Oliver and Matthew's existence... They are my boys and I'll always be proud of them! People tend to react in one of three ways - all of which are totally fine: Mumble and not ask anything else, share with you their own/ their friends'/parents' stories of loss/fertility issues or (my favourite!) just say something along the lines of "I'm really sorry, I wish you all the best!"

When are they due?
For me that is the million dollar question. Matthew and  Oliver were born in October and due in January! Technically these 2 are due in October but will be induced by mid-September if I get that far. Usually I say "Oh late summer early Autumn." I feel that should cover it hopefully!

I'd love to have twins!
Tricky one. It is an amazing gift to have twins, it is wonderful to see two little ones kicking each other on a scan. Seeing your 2 babies and how alike (or not) they are to each other is fascinating but twins are risky! A not very helpful consultant (not mine, mine is lovely!) said to someone I know "The womb is not built for 2." Very true but when 2 have ended up in there naturally there isn't much you can do about it! The risk of stillbirth is 3 times higher in multiple pregnancies than single ones.. the risk of complications much higher. Having twins is wonderful, but it is also scary!

Recently, these questions have come up twice in different situations.

Firstly, we went to a friend's wedding. It was great and we had a fab time but plenty of people there didn't really know us so there were lots of the normal pregnancy type questions. Someone said "Twins, eh, that will change your life!" "In ways you can't even start to imagine," I thought.

We also started our twins antenatal classes. This was a a tricky one because everyone introduced themselves and mentioned other children they had or if their twins were their first pregnancy or they had had IVF etc. When it got to me I had to mention Oliver and Matthew. I felt a bit guilty. I didn't really want to freak out a big bunch of couples expecting twins. But they are our sons, I gave birth to them and I feel that they are too big a part of our lives to be missed out. Also, if nothing else, our story lets people expecting twins know to listen to their bodies and be hyper vigilant! Fortunately, I think it was received well. I had spoken to the midwife who runs it at the start and she thought I was very brave. Clearly she couldn't see the sweat on my brow!


  1. Thank you Katy for sharing this post with us on the blog. Pregnancy after loss is so hard. Praying your little miracles arrive safely x

  2. Oh Katy, I haven't been keeping up on the PAIL or TAL pages so had no idea that you were expecting twins again. What a shock that must have been. I so wish you all of the best in this pregnancy and beyond. And I think it is so brave of you to not only attend antenatal classes after everything, but to be able to share Matthew and Oliver with everybody. You are right, they are your children that you birthed and they are a part of you that you should never feel guilty about sharing. We have as much right as anyone else to share our children and our birth stories xxxx

  3. Thanks girls. Both of your blogs gave me lots of strength when I lost my boys so I'm kind of hoping that I can do the same for other people!
    Got our 20 week scan tomorrow keeping everything crossed!