Lynne: Baby Loss Awareness Week

After losing Findlay in July 2013 I felt more alone than I'd ever felt in my whole life. How could I possibly live again. At first people were understanding and happy to listen to me talk about my much loved, much wanted, forever missed, son. The son I longed to see, to hold, to cuddle, to kiss, just one more time. The son I would have taken my last breath for just to see him take his first.

I am blessed to be surrounded by supportive family and close friends who continue to remember Findlay and understand how important it is to recognise his existence and acknowledge that he is part of our family forever.

Some have been less understanding. Some have suggested I should move on, others have suggested I should distance myself from the friendships and support networks I've been so lucky to build up with other bereaved parents as they felt it was unhealthy that I kept talking about Findlay. That I was living in the past.

I don't know one single parent that would be prepared to not talk about their child, share their memories, say their name. Why should that be different for children lost during pregnancy, shortly after birth or later in life? We do not have the privilege of making endless memories with our babies, have the pleasure of celebrating their milestones or watching them grow. Death, and the grief that follows, is part of their lives, part of their parents lives. The part that leaves a void in the parents hearts forever more.

It may not be the easiest topic to talk about but to do so could mean the world to that baby's parents.  The parents who have to live every single day of their lives hiding their broken heart. Baby loss awareness week is such an important event in the calendar. It helps parents feel empowered to talk about their babies, share their experiences, be reminded they are not alone. Please if you know someone who has lost a child let them know you remember and you care. Join us in the wave of light by lighting a candle at 7pm on 15 October. A little understanding goes a long way.

Findlay

Every day I wish

That things were different

That you hadn't had such a cruel start

That you weren't so ill that you wouldn't survive

Every day I wish

I could hold you in my arms just one more time

To kiss your perfect little cheeks and lips

And to look at your little button nose for hours on end

Every day I wish

I was able to watch you grow

Have memories of all your firsts

See you smile, crawl, walk, hear you giggle, laugh and talk

Every day I wish

I could hear you call my name

That I could be there for you

To wipe your tears and hold you tight

Every day I wish

I could tuck you in at night

Read you a story

Kiss you goodnight

Every day I wish

You were here with me

Playing with your little brother

Going to nursery, watching you grow

Every day I wish

The pain would go away

The ache in my heart

The void in my life

Despite all of that

Every day I am thankful

That you are my son

My precious first born

You made me a mummy

Every day I am thankful

For all that you have taught me

For all that you continue to teach me

Thankful for you

Miss you Findlay. Love you to the moon and back forever and ever xxx