Lynsey: Right Where I Am 2018: 7 years 6 months

It’s been 7 years and 6 months.

These last few months have been really difficult, facing grief again with the loss of my Granny.  But I’ve tried to take in comfort in thinking Lilly’s being looked after.

On the 21st January 2011 when we lost Lilly I felt it difficult to connect with people and it’s a very lonely feeling that you don’t really belong. Part of it I think was I put on a brave face and people couldn’t see I had changed. On the outside I looked the same but on the inside I was different.

Losing a child changes you and it takes time for you and others to accept that. You’re not the person you were before.  I believe for the better. Part of that is I feel that when you go through an experience of losing a child little things don’t matter, people who can’t accept you don’t matter and you naturally surround yourself with people who do matter and accept you for who you are.

This is a community nobody wants to be part of but I am so grateful to be part of this community not only on here but my local group Sands Lothians and world wide.

Sands was my lifeline. Finally, I could connect.

Connect with new people you share precious memories with and even grieve with them.

I am so grateful to the people I have met and still meet on this journey. So many inspirational people who are always there and understand.

You form friendships and share a special bond that will last a lifetime. It’s our loss that binds us.

I like to believe that Lilly is with us in everything we do, is in her princess castle in the palace of dreams yet to happen and that Lilly takes comfort to know that we always say her name and carry her with us always in our hearts where ever we go and everything we do. Lilly is in the centre of everything. From time to time she likes to send us little signs.She is the wind messing up my hair and the sun warming my face.

I imagine things were different

I imagine you hearing me say your name

I imagine reading you a story

I imagine you playing with your brother and sister

I imagine you playing a game

I imagine you being really cheeky

I imagine you dressing up

I still see your face

I still feel the pain

I still feel the ache in my heart

Forever that will remain

In my dreams I see you smiling

In the sky you will forever show us your sparkle

You are in everything we do

Everyday we are thankful

Thankful for you

Thankful for what you have taught us

Thankful for everything you continue to teach us everyday

You have made us better people

~~~~~

You can read Lynsey’s previous posts here:

Right Where I Am 2017: 6 years 7 months
Right Where I Am 2016: 5 years 6 months 28 days
Right Where I Am 2015: 4 years 4 months