Lindsey: Transformed by Grief

©Priya Saihgal

I have evolved.

My grief has transformed me.

Like a caterpillar I have become a butterfly.

I anticipated this transformation.

But transformation into the joys of motherhood,

Not by the death of my child.

Nora’s birthday was her death day,

And my rebirth.

I live my life for my daughter now.

Not in the way I had planned in attending to her every need,

Resulting in sleepless nights and dirty diapers.

But by embracing the beauty of the little things.

The complexity of the snowflake.

The power of the written word.

The fragility of the butterfly wings.

The comfort of a cup of tea and warm blanket.

The kiss of the sunlight against my face.

By embracing the beauty of the little things,

I have broadened the horizon of my understanding of this world

And thus have been transformed.

I realize that my daughter will never be able to experience this world’s splendor

And I have pledged to take it in for her.

To live the life she will not be privileged to.

My eyes see more clearly now

The magnificence of the earth.

It’s as if my eyes are hers

Taking in the world for the first time,

As only a new soul can do.

My grief at times still clouds my vision,

But then something inside reminds me to appreciate this life.

Maybe it’s Nora showing me the world through her baby eyes,

Through her pure soul.

So I will accept my transformation.

I will embrace the new light that shines from within

And burns with a passion to live life to the fullest.

Like the caterpillar who turns into a butterfly,

I will embrace my new form

In order to spread my wings and fly.

~Still Breathing…Lindsey

To read more of Lindsey's story visit - www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com

To see more of Lindsey's friend Priya Saihgal’s photography please visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/30247062@N03/